CON TE PARTIRO

Monday, 26 April 2004, 1118 PM

new fave song. =) another by andrea bocelli. this time with sarah brightman. =)

Con Te Partiro

Sarah:
Quando sono sola
sogno all'orizzonte
e mancan le parole,
si lo so che non c'e luce
in una stanza quando manca il sole,
se non ci sei tu con me, con me.
Su le finestre
mostra a tutti il mio cuore
che hai accesso,
chiudi dentro me
la luce che
hai incontrato per strada.

Time to say goodbye.
Paesi che non ho mai
veduto e vissuto con te,
adesso si li vivro.
Con te partiro
su navi per mari
che, io lo so,
no, no, non esistono piu,
it's time to say goodbye.

Andrea:
Quando sei lontana
sogno all'orizzonte
e mancan le parole,
e io si lo so
che sei con me, con me,
tu mia luna tu sei qui con me,
mio sole tu sei qui con me,
con me, con me, con me.

Time to say goodbye.
Paesi che non ho mai
veduto e vissuto con te,
adesso si li vivro.
Con te partiro
su navi per mari
che, io lo so,
no, no, non esistono piu.

Both:
con te io li rivivro.
Con te partiro
su navi per mari
che, io lo so,
no, no, non esistono piu,
con te io li rivivro.
Con te partiro
Io con te.

i tried to get the english translation of the title and came up with "i'll go with you." was wondering why it became "time to say goodbye." eniway, here's the english version of the song...

Time to Say Goodbye

Sarah:
When I'm alone I dream of the horizon and words fail me.
There is no light in a room where there is no sun
and there is no sun if you're not here with me, with me.
From every window unfurls my heart the heart that you have won.
Into me you've poured the light,
the light that you found by the side of the road.

Time to say goodbye.
Places that I've never seen or experienced with you.
Now I shall, I'll sail with you upon ships across the seas,
seas that exist no more,
it's time to say goodbye.

Andrea:
When you're far away I dream of the horizon and words fail me.
And of course I know that you're with me, with me.
You, my moon, you are with me.
My sun, you're here with me with me, with me, with me.

Time to say goodbye.
Places that I've never seen or experienced with you.
Now I shall, I'll sail with you upon ships across the seas,
seas that exist no more,

Both:
I'll revive them with you.
I'll go with you upon ships across the seas,
seas that exist no more,
I'll revive them with you.
I'll go with you.

You and me.

SOMETHING DIFFERENT, EH?

Monday, 26 April 2004, 1025 AM

i'm wearing a hot pink tank top and matching short shorts.
(hot pink ain't my color. i don't wear sleeveless. no, not even at home.)

had 3 whole meals yesterday.
(weekdays, i only have rice during lunch. weekends, mostly pica-pica.)

last night, i found myself leafing through some of my mom's cookbooks. not that i learned anything from it. hehe.
(i'd rather read something else. i can't believe i had foregone reading harry potter book 5.)

woke up at 530am to do my laundry and was done about a couple of hours after that.
(i usually wake up an hour after that. and because my mind wanders and i keep doing other stuff as well, i forget about the laundry and end up finishing it just a lil bit before lunch. that's definitely more than a couple of hours.)

cleaned the dining table, sink, microwave and range.
(weekends: either i'm out of the house or sleeping or reading. i only clean the bathroom.)

no coffee.
(usually have that everyday. i had iced tea, though.)

had breakfast of rice, tapa and fried egg.
(i don't cook. i don't eat rice for breakfast. esp if i'm gonna be eating alone. i usu have bread.)

monday chores done before 9am. chores only include doing laundry, folding last week's laundry, and packing some new stuff for the workweek.
(9am is early! plus i ate brekkie. plus i cleaned. plus i'm blogging.)

i'm at home blogging.
(i blog at work.)

i'm listening to beethoven.
(i don't listen to classical music.)

i only have 100 bucks in my wallet.
(i have a higher wallet-maintaining-balance.)

no texting. no reading. no cross-stitch. none of that usual stuff today.
(huwat? huwaat?? huwaaat???)

yeahhh... wtf? =)

TO OR NOT TO?

Monday, 26 April 2004

that is the question.

been weeks since it happened. the thing is, i didn't let it bother me. oh it was a very emotional sunday. not this sunday. not last sunday. i don't even know the exact date anymore. God definitely gave me some other matters to think about.

there was work. there were the 2 things that i was looking forward to (one, i have started working on. the other, i haven't). there was the doctor's appointment i have yet to make. there was i having some kind of a rift with 2 of my officemates. there was my cross-stitch waiting to be finished. there was harry potter book 5 waiting to be read. there was the baby shower last saturday. there was the choir, the baccalaureate mass. there was that bonding thing. there were bills to pay, people to text, friends to meet.

by the time i got to thinking about it, it wasn't of great impact anymore. i can't say i've really decided. oh you know how much i hated you at that time. tama ka. i would've said "how dare you!" it still baffles me, really. why it didn't even occur to me to say that to you. when that was what i really felt. i have never, ever, felt so pushed to the wall. and i have never, ever, felt so irked and hurt, defensive and helpless, at a loss, all at the same time. i cannot even describe all the emotions that i felt. if that's how you show people you care, fine. thank you. but for the life of me, don't ever do that to me again. i don't like your ways. that doesn't work with me.

i see your point. but i never made one, did i? i don't need to explain myself to you. or to anybody else, for that matter. our situations may have been similar. but we are 2 very different people. make that 4.

it goes 2 ways, you say. i have 3. that's the difference with people who only see the starkness of black and white. i see the gray in between. i've seen a compromise. and i am not about to lose someone whom i have held so dear these past 6 years. if there was something worth holding on to, it was the friendship. i am not someone who gives up easily on that.

ISIP NG ISIP... DAMING INIISIP

Sunday, 25 April 2004

nothing coherent. =)

***
kagabi, i found myself always staring at k. yung mommy ng baby ni r. wala lang. preggy nga sha duhba? iniisip ko lang kung anong iniisip nila na ngayong magiging parents na sila. eh malaki nga tyan niya. parang ang bigat. hehe. baka kala niyo ah... ayoko pa maging mommy noh.

***
kanina, i found myself thinking (habang nasa fx ako pauwi ng bulacan) na sana mabigyan ko rin ng magandang education yung mga magiging anak ko. parang kung anong ginawa ng parents ko sa min ng bro ko. talagang pinaghirapan. tapos papagdasal ko rin (gaya ng mom ko) na "walang problema sa math ang mga anak ko." at "sana makatapos muna ng pag-aaral bago mag-boyfriend." na sa huling sem din ng anak kong babae, magtataka na rin ako kung bakit wala pa syang bf at magdadasal naman ng "sana magka-bf na siya ilang buwan bago mag-graduate." hehehe. malakas din kaya ako kay Lord gaya ng mom ko? =)

teka... bakit ba anak ang naiisip ko? eh wala pa nga akong boyfriend. hmmm... siguro pinagdadasal ng mom ko ngayon yan. tsaka siguro kampante lang ako (ngayong minuto lang na ito ah. mabilis mag-iba damdamin ko eh. hehe) na given na yun. anjan lang sha sa tabi-tabi. =)

***
kelan kaya ako babayaran ni e sa utang niya? tsk.

***
lunes nanaman... pasukan nanaman...

***
nung nakita ko si r nung sabado, naalala ko si d. hay. hindi ako natuwa sa kanila. gaya nga ng sabi ni w, kamunduhan lang ang habol nung mga yun. bakit ba kasi sila ganun eh. wala bang matino?

***
si mom tsaka si dad kaya bago sila ikasal, nag-deal kaya sila? kung sino ang naka-toka gumawa ng ganito o ganoon? wala naman kasi alam gawin ang mommy ko dati eh. dad ko pa nagturo sa kanya magluto tsaka mamalantsa. who would've thought na magiging magaling sha sa pagluluto?

ako kaya? kelangan ko ba talaga matuto magluto? di kaya ako makakapag-asawa pag di ako marunong? maiinis kaya yung magiging asawa ko? eh di malamang kelangan may maid para magluto? eh hindi naman ako sanay ng may maid. masgusto ko ata wala kasi sakit lang sila sa ulo. baka masira pa mga gamit ko sa kanila.

parang feeling ko unnecessary pressure 'to. bakit ko ba iniisip 'to? tsk. marunong naman ako maglinis ah. marunong maglaba (washing machine lang nga. undies lang ang de-kamay. hehe). marunong mamalantsa. organized naman ako. marunong ako maglinis ng banyo (minsan nga lang kelangan pa akong pagdilatan ng mata para gawin. hehe. joke). minsan nagba-bake naman ako. pag tanungin mo ako ng ingredients ng ibang potahe, masasabi ko naman. *sigh* kelangan ba talaga marunong magluto?

***
gusto ko ilabas ang sama ng loob ko...hindi sa banyo ah. =)

***
to someone i know... yes, i have been patient enough with you. i have allowed you to speak your mind, however perverse it may have been. you say you know me. i think not. you don't know a single thing about me. yes, it has affected me. because it has affected my real friends. because we think that we are surrounded by somebody unreal. that someone like you actually exists. someone like you who has betrayed us. i am hoping that you are happy with what you did. but i know that if i were in your place, i wouldn't be. perhaps it has even affected you twice more or even three-fold. i know it wasn't worth it. because in the process of hurting someone, you yourself will always get hurt. can you actually look me in the eye and tell me? and why not? if you think yourself so great... if you were brave enough to slander me... perhaps you'll have the courage to right the wrong you've done. talk to me. baka maintindihan pa kita.

***
to somebody else... ang tagal na neto. iniisip ko kung bakit hindi pa talaga ako naghihilom. naiintindihan naman kita. habang tumatagal, nabibigyan ng sagot ang mga katanungan. feeling ko nasagutan na nga lahat eh. pero may mga oras na nararamdaman ko pa rin ang kirot. bakit kaya? ang tagal na nating magkaibigan. pero di ko man lang nasabi sayo dati yung hinanakit na to. siguro pag nilabas ko dito, gagaling na lahat ng sugat.

naniwala ako sa yo. naniwala nga rin ako sa sarili ko eh (di ko man lang alam kung pano ko nagawa yun). marahil dahil naisip ko na hindi kasi ako nag-iisa. pero ewan ko. malamang di ka naniwala sa sarili mo. at hindi ka na rin naniwala sa kin.

siguro yun yung masakit ano? yung walang bilib sayo ang isang taong tinuturing mong mahalaga sayo. yung bumibitiw kaagad samantalang sobrang higpit pa ng kapit mo.

wala lang. yun lang nga siguro. tama na 'to.

***
anong oras kaya ako matutulog?

***
ngayon na nga!

PARTS OF A REMINISCENT PAST

Saturday, 24 April 2004

r and k are going to have a baby girl this june. if she's lucky, she's gonna be born on june 13 or 14. hehe. my birthday. which you say? could be both. no kidding. i was really born on june 13. 1125pm i think. but then it was dst (daylight saving time) and time was moved an hour ahead. so it ended up being 1225am of june 14. interesting, eh? =) my name, marie antonette, was taken from st. anthony de padua. his feast day being on the 13th of june. i celebrate my birthday on the 14th.

r is my kababata. we used to be neighbors in kamias, qc. then they transferred to paranaque and we transferred to bulacan. he's also my kinakapatid. his mom's my ninang (his dad's my bro's ninong; his sister is my mom's inaanak. talagang sarado na ang koneksyon. hehe). it's been years since we last saw each other.

thanks to friendster. nagkita-kita nanaman kami. at kinulit naman ako na pumunta sa baby shower ng anak nya. as in kulit ha. may bulletin post na, nagsend pa ng message. tinext pa ako 2 days before, a day prior, morning of the day itself at 2 hours before said time. which surprised me a bit. alam kong makulit sha pero hindi ako ang kinukulit.

so my bro and i went there. mejo boring sa umpisa. i mean, kami lang dalawa ng kapatid ko ang magkakilala tsaka yung family mismo. at tignan mo nga naman, kung kelan nagdecide na kami na umalis na, dun pa kami nagkakwentuhan. andun pa kami sa may labas na ng pintuan. nagrereminisce. kausap si tito f, tita l at si l (na bunso nilang anak).

masarap maalala yung mga bagay na ginagawa pala namin nung bata kami. kami ni l ang magkalaro. alala ko dinadaya pa niya ako pag naglalaro kami ng board game sa garahe nila. at masbata sya sa kin ah! tapos nagbabahay-bahayan kami. either kahon ng refrigerator or kumot ang gamit namin. merienda namin yung cupcake na gawa ng mom ko or chicken ala king na gawa ng mom nya.

etong si r mahilig lang mamikon. eh ako pikon naman. haha. gagu yun eh. pilyo talaga. lokohin ba naman ako na papatirintas daw nya sa kin yung kilay nya tsaka buhok sa ilong. tapos kwento ng mom nya na dinala daw ang raincoat sa school kahit hindi pa tag-ulan. pag-uwi daw nya basang-basa. gusto lang daw i-testing ang raincoat. pero matinik sa babae yan. maloko din, oo. crush ko dati yun eh. pero hindi naman ako nagpaloko.

commercial: ay ano ba 'tong entry ko. english ang umpisa, tapos taglish, tapos tagalog. blehhh.

may dalawang bagay lang akong di makalimutan sa gabing yun.

una, na may bilib din pala si ninang sa kin. naiisip ko lang kasi hindi ko nagagawa yung mga ginagawa nya. sobrang linis nya sa bahay at magaling magluto. i would've thought that that would be her basis too. but i guess not. tinawag pa niya ako, nagrerequest na kumanta ako sa videoke. dahil alam niyang magaling ako kumanta. but aside from that, she kept saying na "bilib ako dito sa inaanak ko eh..." while she was fixing and running her hand through my long hair. =)

pangalawa, namamansin tong si r. pinaupo kami sa table nila. biruin pa ako sa harap ng pamilya niya na miss na niya ako. at ayaw kami pauwiin. sabi nya kahit mauna na umuwi kapatid ko at ihahatid nalang nya ako. eh pumuslit kami ni bro. nakisabay sa pag-uwi ng bf ni l. di man lang ata namalayan na umuwi na kami. when we got to the unit, tinawagan ako at sabi susunduin nalang kasi ako tapos ihahatid uli pauwi. hehe. thank you nalang diba. napapansin pa pala beauty ko. kaya lang hindi mga ganyang lalaki ang gusto kong pumansin sa kin eh. =)

TIME IT IS

Friday, 23 April 2004

found myself listening to the likes of sarah brightman, diana krall, and enya. trip lang siguro. =)

Only Time
by Enya

Who can say
Where the road goes,
Where the day flows?
Only time
And who can say if your love grows
As your heart chose?
Only time

Who can say why your heart sighs
As your love flies?
Only time
And who can say
Why your heart cries when your love lies?
Only time

Who can say
When the roads meet
That love might be
In your heart?
And who can say
When the day sleeps
If the night keeps
All your heart?

Night keeps all your heart

Who can say if your love grows
As your heart chose?
Only time
And who can say where the road goes,
Where the day flows?
Only time

Who knows? Only time
Who knows? Only time

BEEN A YEAR

Tuesday, 20 April 2004, 908 PM

tonight, it's been a year...

we met each other here...

here i am all alone...

my thoughts with you go on...


one year na 'tong blog ko!!!

happy birthday, bloggie!!! =)

20% EVIL

Monday, 12 April 2004, 948 PM

officemates took this test last thursday while i was away from work. got to do it just now. well, waddya know. i was right. i'm actually the nicest here. haha. yeah right. highest here was a 73%. and i'm like a downright, puny 20%. is that good news for my friends or what? and look who's being called a bitch. =)

I am 20% evil.


I try to stay away from evil deeds but succumb to temptation every once in a while. I'm not quite on my way to hell but I certainly have some explaining to do.

Are you evil? find out at Hilowitz.com

SURRENDER

Monday, 12 April 2004, 906 AM

Lord...

please tell me what to do

please let me believe in what i have to do

and

please help me do it.

BANGAG ITO!

Monday, 5 April 2004, 2 PM

yup, daylight saving time (in america) is back today.

it's 2am US eastern time. it's 2pm manila time.

i can't sleep.

work is at 9am US eastern time. work is at 9pm manila time.

i can't sleep.

*sigh*

i can't sleep.

UN MOMENT

Monday, 5 April 2004, 137 PM

i'll tell you something that you don't know.

i think in the bathroom.

yup, while sitting on the throne.

nope, not while taking a crap.

bordercrapper calls it my "moment of serenity" (well, it is... considering what he's gone through, thus acquiring such a name. teehee. =) peace tayo tatay jec. =))

hands cupping my face or arms folded in front of my chest.

looking intently at the white square tiles or looking down at my feet curled up or snuggled up on the bathroom mat.

twice a day. once, after i get home from work. another, after i wake up from slumber.

with the hypnotic whirring of the exhaust fan.

hummmmmm... hummmmmm...

no, i haven't fallen asleep there. ever.

but i know someone who has. =)

AND WHEN I DO...

Monday, 5 April 2004, 1237 PM

and when i do, i will be able to move on...
...without the pain
...without me remembering that which has shattered my soul into pieces
...without me having to always think if all that i'm doing for you is all worth it
...without me feeling selfish, scared and insecure

and when i do, i will be able to love you more...
...with a love so pure and true

and when i do...

maybe you will too...

WOULD'VE BUT DIDN'T

Monday, 5 April 2004, 1145 AM

I know, somewhere in me, that it's not her that's being stupid. I understand, on one level, that she doesn't know, that everything's up in the air. But that's no use to me. You know the worst thing about being rejected? The lack of control. If I could only control the when and how of being dumped by somebody, then it wouldn't seem as bad. But then, of course, it wouldn't be rejection, would it? It would be by mutual consent... I know how unbelievably & pathetically childish it is to push and push like this for some degree of probability, but it's the only thing I can do to grab any sort of control back from her."
High Fidelity by Nick Hornby

yes, i dreamt of you. some day last week. and i woke up feeling weird. just staring at the ceiling. asking myself "why?"

you asked me a question. grinning sheepishly at me. that cute expression which i absolutely adored. holding my hand in yours. it all seemed so right. i looked back at you, thinking to myself, "oh gee... oh wow!" then my gaze went down to our hands. and suddenly, a different feeling swept over me. quite unsure of myself. quite confused i've become.

you told me something. and i looked at you almost without batting an eyelash. I would've said "yes!" i would've embraced your love with such fierceness. i would've hugged you oh so tightly, taking your breath away. i would've jumped in your arms and let you carry me away. i would've. because i have so wanted this for so long. but i didn't. and all i could do was stare at you. feel the pain slowly gripping my heart. feel my insides being torn apart.

why?

because i'm not completely healed...

BITS

Monday, 5 April 2004, 1010 AM

for someone who looks quiet, you've got a lot to say.

for someone who looks meek, you've got strong words.

for someone who barely knows me, you've got some confidence in making such conclusions.

i don't need someone telling me about my issues. no, thank you. just concern yourself with yours.

i don't need someone who's even lazy enough to talk to me. of course, i'd rather talk to someone else.

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY TO ME

Thursday, 1 April 2004, 1042 AM US Eastern Time

haha. today i felt like a complete fool. a fool for wanting to do something so badly. that it turned out to hurt so badly as well when everything back-fired and i wasn't able to fulfull my plans. that it hurt because i was so disappointed & frustrated. that it hurt because... yeah, it's all my fault... yeah, i was just too damn persistent and too damn excited... yeah, i expected too much... yeah, i wanted things to be just close to perfect... yeah, such a sentimental fool i can really be.

all of this because i just oh so really wanted to make one phone call.

one.

phone.

call.

and i wasn't given that chance.

i just hate it whatever fate has brought to me today. i just oh so hate it.

but i can't blame anyone or anything, can i? nobody but myself. oh good grief.

bummer.

bummer.

bummer.

=(